a few words concerning the last post

i just had a good chat with kristie about this issue of perspective. interesting things happen when one just talks aloud about any given conundrum. at first it seems as though you're spinning wheels and getting nowhere until some provincial god strikes you on the back of the head with the proverbial lightning bolt. there's a small spark inside and within planck time it has grown to some hideous burning pyre. it all falls together. not prettily. but together, damnit.

i should've mentioned the other conflict i have been confronting (or, to be a bit more precise about the matter, completely avoiding) and it seems silly now to have not done so. solitude. it's such a simple word but the concepts lodged in its hundreds of meanings can have disastrous effects on one's mental and physical well being. we should get one thing straight: it is in no way affecting my physical well being. let's be completely clear about at least that one thing. it has, however, been cropping up more and more in daily thought in the form of usually thinking a good evening to be one spent alone at home reading or, if i'm lucky, making something decent for dinner. senior in college: this, i've been told, is hardly the time to be moving that direction and rather it is the final blowout i should be preparing for. nuts to that.

so then. why this recent fixation on the problems with perspective? i've known for several months that my attraction towards solitude has been growing but i have been too dim witted to realize that, along with it, so has my issue with the former. the connection, in my mind, is now obvious: with my concern over perspective i have been becoming increasingly solitary. is this a natural process? have i found some deeper question that i'm truly interested in and simply want to have some more time alone to get a better grasp on it? is there some deeper relationship between these two no longer disparate concepts? or is this all complete rubbish?

hmm.


-e